Change
Sunny skies here in Dana Point. However as I am perusing the web cams a little before 8:00, I can clearly see a fog bank in what looks like the not too far off distance over Salt Creek. It’s always hard to tell for sure how imminent the threat is - in fact it’s nearly always impossible to tell. Unfortunately I have a 9:00 meeting so I can’t rush off to try and beat it to the shore. It will all probably be fine.
And guess what. It WAS fine! That fog didn’t seem to move between first noticing it and leaving for the beach at 9:15 and then getting to the parking lot and it remained where it was throughout the entire swim. I just checked the web cam now and it has receded considerably. Whew…dodged that bullet.
As one might guess, the beach is beautiful. Despite the foggy/hazy horizon, everything is bright and sunny and blue here. The tide is low and there are clumps of loose kelp on the sand near the water and also lots of loose kelp in the shallows. It is so thick that I need to raise my feet over the knee high water to make my way past it. Finally I reach cleaner water and I am past the small surf and I start to swim. A cormorant takes off in front of me and flies north just after I begin.
I swim south and immediately discover that the water feels colder than my last swim on Monday. I wouldn’t say this is a dramatic drop but I feel my neck tightening up and a slight amount of lethargy in my legs. It’s all part of the process. Give it a minute and both will be gone. Also, I’m sure the water will feel warmer too - it always does after I get past this initial hump.
Of course it does get warmer and I also find myself swimming in and out of warmer and colder spots. Some of these warmer patches feel very luxurious. It’s hard to say because after swimming through colder water, anything warmer feels super warm on the skin even water that would otherwise seem cold. The fact is, the temperature numbers don’t matter here. It’s all about how things feel. It feels great - both the cold and the warm.
It’s such a beautiful Spring day. I am out here all by myself and the water looks and feels perfect. I can track that fog bank over the entire swim but it does not at all dampen the sun shiny mood here. The water is smooth and I can feel it sort of rolling about but in what direction I can’t really tell. Visibility is not bad.
As I swim I imagine myself opening up. I think of how I want to meet this life. I want to change my mind. I don’t mean I want to decide to do X instead of Y. I mean I want my mind to actually be transformed. I truly believe that life unfolds before us in accordance with our thoughts and perceptions. All we need to do is to change our posture from tight and closed off to open and soft and everything can change. That change might not be immediate and it might not look exactly how our hopes had envisioned it, but it is a good change with the ability excel exponentially. This is super hard to do. I want things to be a certain way right now. I have a picture in my mind and I want that picture to materialize before me just as I have painted it right now this second. If it doesn’t, I become tight and take an adversarial posture to what comes my way. So I imagine myself being open to all that lies in front of me. Regardless of whether the water is warm or cold, I receive it.
I had a dream last night and someone who had done me wrong in my distant past was in the same room as I was. There was a pack of Rams walking about the halls. I remember thinking how their presence added this element of danger or precariousness. They were not attacking anyone at the moment but who knows if that could change and when. Then this other person whom I just mentioned asked me what was my purpose in life. I remember not knowing how to respond. I didn’t and don’t have a canned answer to that question. I guess I wish that I did. I remember thinking that I certainly did have a purpose. I remember feeling like I needed to get really quiet and soft and open in order to discover it. I have been thinking about this all morning long. I don’t necessarily feel like we all have one distinct purpose to fulfill before we die, but I do think we all have something special and unique to give. I think it is something that can color so many things that we do and say in a way that makes those things that we do and say something that no one else can do and say quite the same. I think we each possess a sort of genius or savant capacity. Some may not be able to access this capacity quite as easily as others. I want to live in mine. I believe this capacity exists in our hearts and we can reach it by being open and soft and receptive and all of this means that we have to turn away from fear and walk towards love. And in order to do that we have to be able to trust.
