Will and Attention
It was such a beautiful morning yesterday. We actually had sun and blue sky at first light, but we are back to the morning marine layer today. Also add in a good helping of west wind. Doesn’t matter. I’m still headed for the beach. Waves are not that big and the water is warm so lets go for a swim!
As I descend Selva Rd., which by the way will be my new street address in less than 10 days (so excited), I can see some sunlight way out at the very edge of the horizon. It looks almost surreal, almost the entire sky is dominated by soft cloud cover except for this strip of light out at the edge of the ocean.
I park at the beach and head down the stairs and the conditions here look terrible. It is windy and grey and the water is all chewed up. I still feel like I am here for good reason. The ocean has so many faces. This one is not one I would consider strikingly beautiful but it is raw and real and full. It is 100 percent ocean out there. Let’s see what it has to give.
When I reach the beach, It looks like two or three feet of sand has been scraped off of the beach. Jupiter rock is once again exposed to the elements. We have had some solid surf the last few days which is likely to blame for this. I walk out into the water and the surf is not particularly large but it is rambunctious. I start swimming early because it’s just the easiest way to get past the surf. I keep thinking that surely I am past the waves but then waves keep hitting me in the face. They are really just small wakes but they come one after another after another. Eventually I figure I might as well pick a direction, south or north, and start swimming. I choose north.
On my way to the beach club, I am fighting the current. I wonder if I will ever reach my destination. However, little by little I make my way up the beach. Wakes keep pouncing me from the west and I am bouncing up and down and all over, but I find that if I just keep moving my arms and legs and let my body float on this wild ocean surface, I’ll reach my destination soon enough.
The water is crazy comfortable. It feels so good. It practically nullifies the constant chop out here. It’s about 73 degrees and one can only wonder what could possibly go wrong out here in this water regardless of how rough it is. I’m here being tossed to and fro like a rag doll but yet completely serene in this water.
I pass the lifeguard tower below the ritz. There is surf breaking here but I don’t see any surfers. The conditions are just too junky to be palatable. It feels like I am not getting anywhere but here I am. I did make it this far. And if I could make it this far, then surely I will make it further still. I see my life reflected back to me in the wakes and chop. There is a bunch of bounce in my life. I am preparing for a public speaking invitation, I have a ton of work, I am about to move, and I have my young son to tend to. However I know all of these things will take care of themselves. I remain afloat. I just need to keep moving my arms and legs. That is all I have to do. I just need to direct my will and attention in the general direction of where I want to land and I will get there soon enough.
The bonus is that through all the turbulence of these responsibilities, the water is extremely comfortable. I have this new relationship that is infused with love and good feelings and it is sometimes hard for me to comprehend just how blessed I am to be alive and sharing space with this person. How is it that this has come to be? Well…maybe it is because I just kept moving my arms and my legs and directed my will and attention in the general direction I wanted to land and lo and behold here I am.
