This Must Be Grace

It’s an early start today as I leave my place a little after 6:30. Today we are burying my dad’s ashes in the pacific ocean. In fact we are releasing them right in front of The Strand. I want to spend time in the water before this event. I’ll drive directly to the harbor afterwards to board our charter.

The morning is covered under a layer of cloud as usual. However, there are hints of blue sky leaking from the seams and I am honestly wondering if this could all burn off on my swim or at least before our burial service. I’m not holding my breath, but it sure would be nice.

I get to the parking lot and the ocean surface looks super smooth and still. It is very peaceful here. I walk down the stairs and I can see a patch of water just past the surf that looks like it is churning. I’m wondering what it is that might be disturbing the water. I don’t see anything obvious and I just pass it off into the pile of all the other things that mystify me about the ocean.

I get to the water and it rushes over my feet. It feels cool. The local buoys say that the water is 67 degrees. That’s pretty comfortable. A set of waves rolls in and it looks fairly sizable. I start to head on out once it subsides.

I time it right and there is nothing breaking on my way out. There is something about this light that lends a sort of magic to this place. Everything looks as though it has been painted on. The sky may be cloudy but it sure is bright and vibrant. I swim south.

I feel the water on my skin and I watch my arms beneath me moving in the blue void that surrounds me. I’m thinking of my dad and what this place meant to him. He loved this place so much. For him, it was truly home, and he made it home for me and my siblings. Most people I know are afraid of the ocean, but I thank my dad for making this a fun and safe place.

I am thinking about how I will soon be moving even closer to this beach. I’m pretty close now but I will be living across the street in August. That feels like a beautiful gift the universe has handed to me. I have been looking and found a couple units in the condo complex on the other side of Selva that I was not all that excited about and I was denied one because it was me vs. someone without a dog. Then earlier this week I get an alert of a new listing and I applied immediately and looked at it the next morning and it was perfect. My application was approved yesterday and I move in August. I just can’t believe that I get to call this place home.

As the swim progresses, more and more light is escaping from the cloud cover. The view is stunning. The color and texture of the water is almost surreal. I stare into these same stretches of coast several days a week. Some days, it looks relatively dull and other days it looks like it has been electrified with some sort of otherworldly glow. Today would fall into the later category.

I am thinking of all the gifts that life has placed on my path. I am thinking of the ones that have come just over the course of the past couple of weeks. I feel like I am entering into a new season of life - a season of blessings and light. There are good things moving in my direction. I never laid out any sort of complex plan to bring this all about. It just happened. This must be grace. I honestly can not blame this on my own cleverness or hard work and perhaps that is how it is meant to be. Perhaps this is another lesson I am being taught, which is to just surrender my own effort and let God guide me to where it is that he wants me to be.

This lesson has not been easy to learn. There has been fear and doubt and bad choices that are the result of fear and doubt. If I can just trust, I think I could make better choices as I wait for life to unfold in my favor instead of rushing things to unfold the way I think is best or safest and then in that rush making rash judgements and hurried decisions.

Over the final 10 minutes of the swim, I watch as the sky opens up. I can see the sun hiding behind scattered and melting patterns of vapor. The color of the water glows green. Everything is absolutely beautiful.

I finish the swim and walk up the stairs. I realize that come August, I will already be home. Or have I always been home here and now I will just get to stay.