Did I ever Wake Up?

Yet another June Gloom day. I feel drawn to the beach today. It’s the anniversary of my dad’s passing and I feel most connected to him at the beach - a place that he truly loved and spent a large part of his life.

I get to the parking lot and there is a fair amount of texture on the water. I head down the stairs and reach the lower bathrooms and see sledge hammer dude. We have agreed that I can call him Thor. I don’t know his real name.

I look out on the water and there are a few clusters of bodies scattered about. Groups of jr. lifeguards no doubt.

The swim is good. Of course. My thoughts are all over past, present, and future. I think about days spent with my dad at this beach. We were often in the water together as a child and later in his life we would walk the shore. I think he is here with me now. I am happy that he is where he is but I sure would like to talk to him in the flesh sometimes. I wish I could tell him about the time I swam to the Ocean Institute or that Black Sea Bass I saw or how crazy warm the water was this winter. He would have loved to hear about all of that. I think he knows but I’d just like to be the one to tell him.

I’m also thinking of a new relationship I am just starting. My heart has been buzzing all week. It feels good. It feels almost unreal. How did this happen? Didn’t I have a dream about this at some point? Did I ever wake up? Am I still in the dream? I have zero room for any more thoughts. I can barely swim in a straight line out here. Actually, I can’t even do that.