The Truth is on Catalina

I teetered and tottered over whether to swim today - way more than necessary - as if the decision is based on some complex set of variables and a wrong choice could be catastrophic. Swim? or Elliptical? In the end, the elliptical machine just seemed so incredibly terrible that I drug myself to the beach. Basically, I have a fair amount of work to get done and I didn’t want to spend the extra time at the beach and writing this post, but here I am writing this post after returning from the beach. Life is rough.

Today is nearly identical to yesterday - May gray. Very very gray and even some water on the ground when I take my dog out for her morning walk. After pacing about my apartment like a crazy person deciding what form of workout I am going to be engaging in, I finally put on my bathing suit and try to head out the door a little after 10:00 without thinking about the decision any more. Miraculously, I manage to do this and find myself at the beach parking lot 10 minutes later.

Wind has started to pick up and there is a good bit of texture on the water. While I would say it is just as gray as yesterday, it is not as foggy/misty. I can see clearly to the horizon, but no sign of Catalina. I’m sure it’s out there somewhere - just like the truth. Maybe the truth is at Catalina. I wouldn’t be surprised.

I walk down the stairs to the beach a couple hours shy of low tide. Surf size looks similar to yesterday but it’s all junked up from the wind. The water feels about the same on my feet as yesterday. I walk out into the water and finally dive right into the face of an oncoming wave before it breaks. I swim south again like yesterday since it’s probably about 15 minutes shorter than my northern route. I can feel that texture on the water right away. It’s sloshing this way and that - into my face and over my head.

It’s all good. I just try to focus on the physical stimulus entering my body. Believe me, there is plenty to focus on. No need for complicated ideas here. I am reminded of my walk I took with my dog yesterday evening. I found myself listening to the birds or the water from a fountain or even traffic and my mind is able to let go of the oh so many future thoughts and everything collapses down to this one moment. It feels good. I can physically feel a soothing sensation in my belly. I wonder why it is that I don’t spend more time in this place. Well I suppose the reason is clear. My mind seems to do all it can to keep me thinking about what I need to be doing or what I should be doing or what I would like to be doing other than what I am doing now. But as my mind finds rest in the present, I wonder what else is there. I wonder if all those things I think I need to be doing or those things I think I would like to be doing are just distractions. Maybe if I let them go in exchange for the present, I would find that it is what I am doing now which is what I want I want to do. Or maybe I would find that that thing I want to be doing, I am suddenly doing.

So that’s what I am meditating on over this swim. Can I just feel the cool water on my skin? Can I just hear the sound of my breath exhaling into the water around me? Can I just see the horizon? The Headlands and the lifeguard tower? Can all of these things bring me back to that place I found yesterday evening. Can all of these things release me from my entanglement with my unseen future?