She Was Pooping

The May grey continues. I’m out of my apartment a little after 9:30. I can see just a shadow of Catalina on the horizon as I rise past Blue Lantern and over Chula Vista. I’m going back and forth in my head over which route to swim today: north or south. I’m leaning south because it is slightly shorter and I have a ton of work to do, but I am still undecided. I get to the parking lot and I gather some trash that my kids have left in my car. Kids.

I head down the stairs and listen to yet another stranger’s phone conversation. The woman is explaining that during the week she just focuses on what she needs to get done on that day. That sounds reasonable. On the weekends she worries about other things. She speaks as though this worrying is scheduled on her calendar. Like, “Oh Saturday is tomorrow. Now let’s see, I’ll need to worry about x, y, and z.”

I remember back in the 90’s and early 2000’s we would judge people having these phone conversations in public. We would think this was rude or annoying or maybe just a little crazy. Now we all do it so there is no sense in judgement. I do have to wonder if some are crazy though because I can’t see the phone or the bluetooth headset and it often looks like they are just speaking into the air to some imaginary entity. Earlier this week someone wasn’t even using bluetooth but had the other person on speaker. I walked past them on these stairs just as the woman on speaker was saying how there was something she could not do at the moment because she was pooping. I’d say that’s a perfectly acceptable excuse.

I get to the beach and it’s mid tide. The water flows over my feet and it feels cold but not crazy cold. Surf is up just a bit today but nothing particularly large. I walk into the water with a common thought I often have at this moment. The thought is in the form of a question: “why am I doing this?” I feel like I need to be reminded. This does not look like it is going to be pleasant. I tell myself that it will be but the math does not seem to be adding up. I’m pretty sure it will all sort itself out so I keep walking west.

I start to swim and I still have not really settled on which direction I am heading. Well I better decide soon because I cant just be swimming out into open ocean forever. I veer to the left. The water is cold and I just kind of want to get this over with so the shorter route wins today.

Ok so the water isn’t freezing but it’s colder than my last swim on Tuesday - that’s for sure. I’m still asking why I am here and not finding any of my answers particularly satisfying. Doesn’t matter - I’m here now. The water does become more palatable after a few minutes and I soon get lost in the rhythm of the swim. The cold becomes less annoyance and more curiosity. I listen to the sounds of the air passing from my mouth and nose into the water. What a ruckus.

I make it to the south end of the beach. I take a few pictures like I do every time and then start the north bound journey to the Ritz. I’m comfortable enough but not so comfortable that I feel like hanging out here much longer. As I am swimming north, about a quarter of the way up the beach, I see something out of the corner of my eye that looks like it might be a dark, small buoy. I think that is odd because lobster season ended a couple months ago. I stop to have a look and it is a dolphin fin. This of course perks my interest and I watch for it to surface again. It does so a couple times but it is gone before I could get a picture. I had taken a couple shots but neither show any dolphin. That’s ok. I saw it. It was super close - maybe just 6 or 7 feet away.

I keep swimming. I can feel waves of worry inside my mind passing over my consciousness. This worry is completely unscheduled. The water reminds me that the best thing to do is to relax and do not feed it. Don’t give it any of my energy and it will dissolve on it’s own. If I feed it with my attention, I might get caught in its rip tide and pulled out to sea. So I just keep moving forward and I stay curious about the water on my skin and I keep an eye out for dolphin fins or any other little treasures scattered randomly here in the ocean. God knows there are plenty.