Like an Inhale

I left about 10:15 and it is a beautiful, sunny and hot day here in Dana Point. I don’t mind hot so much when hot is 78 or even 83. Fortunately, here so close to the coast, it really doesn’t get hotter than that very often. Oh man I can’t wait to get to the beach today. I stare into the web cam before meetings and it looks so inviting.

When I actually do get to the beach, it all looks just as good as it did on the cams if not better. There are no clouds in the sky and the water is a luscious dark blue. There is a small amount of breeze in the air putting some bump on the water but nothing that looks too turbulent.

Still no sign of the Jupiter rock at the base of the concrete ramp leading to the sand. I wonder what it is thinking down there beneath the shore. Maybe it’s happy to finally have some peace and quiet. With the Labor Day weekend upon us, it’s probably relieved that it can live out these next few days in still darkness.

I get to my take off spot and the waves are breaking close to shore. They break right in front of me and the white water is as high as my head and finally one topples me over. What am I doing here? I should know it would be better to dive under than jump over. So that is exactly what I do when the next one comes. I mean, I am already wet.

I head north today. I feel like I have fallen into a pattern where I swim north on sunny days and south on cloudy days. No pattern intended and now that I think of it I can think of some recent sunny south bound swims. My spirits are a little better today than the last couple days - a little. The sun sure helps and also it’s Friday before a three day weekend.

I’m beginning to see that things are likely not as bad as I perceive them to be. I can sometimes get myself worked up in an emotional tirade and things start to explode in my minds eye and I have difficulty telling what I am seeing through my mind’s eye and what is actually happening in front of me. Things occur that I do not like or things do not occur which I wish would be ocuring and before I know it I think everything is falling apart and it’s actually not.

I can be displeased with what is happening around me but that does not mean I am inherently flawed and ultimately doomed to a life of suffering. I mean we are all bound to have a life full of suffering, but there is other stuff too. I feel like I am being called to relax, keep moving forward and don’t panic. This all reminds me of when I first started to swim in cold water during my first November swims. The cold in the water starts to feel overwhelming and I begin to convince myself I am going to die and I can feel my anxiety level rise. The thing is I really really want to keep swimming. I have to figure out a way to make it work. I enjoy the connection of water against my skin and don’t want to wear a wetsuit. I know the human body can do this. I know there are many others who do this. I have an epiphany that I just need to relax and trust my body. As I relax, I can almost physically feel my anxiety level fall and my comfort rise.

So I try to relax in this warm and sunny water. I swim against the current all the way to the Monarch Bay Beach Club and then turn around to be pushed along as I move back south. I can feel a pulse in the water. It seems like about every 5 seconds or so I am pushed along and advance an instant 5 feet. The water seems to pull itself back like an inhale and then exhales me forward repeating this cycle all the way home.