Choosing to Believe

I’m up to five swims this week. That’s a bit more than usual. I have to admit that I think the primary reason for this is that my achilles has been acting up which means I need to ease up on the running and my apartment’s gym is still closed which keeps me away from the evil elliptical machines. I love to swim and it is by far my favorite form of exercise but I just can’t swim and NOT share these posts. These posts take up at least a couple hours and usually more of writing and photo editing. It is totally a labor of love, but it can sometimes take up half a day if I let it. I’ve had times when I have wondered if I should keep this blog up or maybe do weekly posts instead of once a swim. As much as I am tempted to cut down on the time I spend here, there is something inside of me that tells me to keep posting.

I don’t get that much traffic but it has been steadily growing especially over the last few months. Even when I just had a few visitors a day, I have always had this feeling that each post is like contributing to my 401k. It might feel like just a drop in the bucket but I need to contribute consistently in order to take advantage of compounding interest. Just because no one reads the post today doesn’t mean many more might not find it 5 years from now.

Anyways, here we are. Writing about the swim, which was wonderful. I woke up and got up a few minutes after 6:00 this Easter morning sans alarm. I attended my own personal Easter Sunrise Service yesterday at the beach and do not feel compelled to go to a church today. I feel like I am in regular communication with Jesus and his voice travels more clearly under the water; so that’s the place to be.

I’m finally at a point where I don’t care and have lost interest in doctrines and biblical interpretation. I just don’t think it all matters nearly as much as many think that it does. Did Jesus die on a cross and rise from the dead and where did he go when he was dead? I honestly have no problem believing someone died and rose from the dead. I am infatuated with near death experiences and have listened and read hundreds of them. Now three days is a long time, but people die, have profound spiritual experiences, and return to talk about it ALL THE TIME. This has only increased as modern medicine improves and makes it easier to resusitate people.

Most don’t feel compelled to tell everyone that they are going to hell if they cannot intellectually subscribe to a set of historical events that took place two thousand years ago. What they do feel compelled to tell everyone is that we are all loved so much that we could not possibly comprehend it. They want to tell everyone that if we could all live our lives in a more loving manner towards ourselves and others, the world would be transformed. I don’t know exactly what happened two thousand years ago, and I don’t think there is a God in the universe that expects me to. I do believe there was a story that needed to be told to humanity and that has survived thousands of years and continues to profoundly influence lives mostly for good, but sadly sometimes for ill, today. I believe in the story and the deeper truths that the story is connected with. I may not stand in absolute certainty that Jesus was God incarnate and died and rose three days later. I do believe that everything about that story and the love it is trying to convey is absolutely true. I know that seems weird. I doubt, or at least hold loosely, the factual details, but believe in the story. To me, the minutiae of what happened and who did it are in service to the larger story. I believe there is divine love in the universe that would die for everyone and that is what the story is trying to tell.

So for now, I choose to believe in the story. It’s a good story and I think that the belief I choose to nurture connects me to a hope that sustains me. I just don’t have a need for all the facts to line up. If we invented time travel and discovered that Jesus did not rise from the dead and what we think of as Jesus today ends up were three different historical individuals, it wouldn’t phase me. It would be super interesting but it would not move my “faith.” My faith is not tied to something that took place in space and time. But until we invent time travel, I’ll keep choosing to believe the story.

Whoa. Where am I going here? I haven’t even gotten to where I leave for the beach! Ok. I leave a little before 8:00. The skies are hazy but more blue than gray. As I am approaching Blue Lantern on Selva Road. I feel this drum roll going off in my head. Will there be fog? Will I be able to see Catalina? Will the water be smooth? I pass Blue Lantern and crest Chula Vista and there it is - Catalina Island. No fog. All is well. It’s going to be a beautiful swim.

I park and head down the stairs and wonder what the surf will be like. The morning surf report says 4-5. What I saw on the web cam just didn’t line up with that. However at some point, someone looked at a web cam and entered “4-5” in that report. This person got paid to do this which I suppose lends some credibility? Maybe? Maybe not.

Yeah I’m not seeing it here but as I look north towards Salt Creek, I see a pretty good set of waves roll through. Maybe this could be interesting. The sky is much more hazy than it was yesterday. It’s not a solid blue but it is plenty blue enough. Now that I think of it - just what is enough? I have no idea. I seem to do just fine with 0 but boy I sure love 100 percent.

I get in the water and I’m taking pictures of the oncoming waves more out of habit than anything else and then this flock of pelicans shows up right in front of me. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. It hits my heart and humbles me. These creatures are so amazing. I love pelicans.

I start swimming north. Is the water warmer or colder than yesterday. Hard to say. It’s nice enough. I am noticing that the surfers are sitting far ouffshore in front of the lifeguard tower. Is there really something breaking there? It seems awfully far out and I don’t see any white water near. However it’s not just one rouge surfer. It’s several. I’m guessing something broke there at some point - maybe that 4-5 foot set. These surfers are willing to wait it out for the next one.

I swim past the point and eventually spy a bright orange buoy. What is this? It’s not a lobster buoy. Lobster season ended a couple weeks ago. It is the same kind of buoy put out by the Jr. guards but we are at least a couple months away from that. Oh! I bet it is related to lifeguard tryouts or training. We are getting close to the scaled up lifeguarding season. There are always lifeguards on this beach year round but it’s a skeleton crew most of the year. Around this time of year, a fleet of guards are hired to inhabit make shift towers through the spring and summer.

I swim out to the buoy and pay it my respects and then I continue onwards to the Monarch Bay Beach Club. It doesn’t seem like it is much longer before I am there. I stop for just a bit and look in all directions. I always hope for that a bird, or flock of birds or dolphin of pod or super pod of dolphins will arrive. How about a whale? Nothing comes so I swim back to where I came.

As I approach the Ritz, I can see that same group of surfers way outside. I see a set of waves come through. I imagine these are the “alpha surfers.” There are a lot of other surfers down the beach further inshore. Perhaps they are the ones allowed to catch the leftovers. When I finally get to the front of that pack, I notice the surfer in the very front, the one furthest out is not wearing a wetsuit. He is the only one (except for me) trunking it. He looks like one not to be messed with. He reminds me of those super big and scary long-time infected humans in The Last Of Us series who are nearly impossible to kill. Yeah. I’m sure it’s just like that here.

Before I cross the point into Strands, I see this bulbous object floating on the water about 30 feet out from me. At first I assume it is kelp but then I notice it staring at me and then swimming towards me. It’s a seal. Oh is it going to come right to me? This has happened before. I’m ready. Then it goes below the surface and I lose sight of it. Then just after this, a pelican comes flying low and passes me just about 15 feet away. Oh that was exciting.

I finish up the swim. The final leg parallel to Niguel Shores is very pleasant. Just before I make the final swim in to shore, a set of waves comes and each one breaks just a couple feet past me. I thoroughly enjoy them cresting and curling and passing over me. So fun. Then that’s it. I swim through the bubbly, fizzy white water those waves left behind and I stand up and walk back to my car.