Best Not To Ask
Ok I want to set an intention right off the bat here. I want to make this post short. I can do this. It feels like something within the realm of possibility. I do realize that perhaps I am setting myself up for failure by wasting sentences here just talking about this. Let’s just get started.
I leave my apartment at about 8:30. It’s overcast skies but peaceful and pleasant out. Another day where the surf forecast reports 4-5 feet but the webcams portray a different and more smaller scale story. This will be day four in a row of swimming. I’m hoping my achilles heals soon so I can start to run but I am not complaining. It’s a good day for a swim. Conditions look good and I’m busy but not overwhelmed with work.
Once I get a good view of the pacific horizon, I really like what I see. It’s not just overcast. There are all sorts of layers of clouds out there between that infinite expanse of sky and water. There is also a layer of blue sky - the layer of hope. There are low clouds way out west and then hazy blue above that and then the predominant cloud cover over that. It’s hard to tell from this perspective if the higher layer of overcast is stacked up above those low clouds out around Catalina or does it just look higher because it is above the mainland here. It looks like layers but in reality what is above and below or east and west or here or there?
As I drive into the parking lot I am thinking more about this and how this sky is a metaphor for our entire existence. We see reality in such and such a way but lose sight of the fact that it is largely perspective that colors what we see. We defend what we think is in front of us and demand that others see the same and fail to realize it is something all together different. Or we actually do realize that it is all together different and then we struggle to parse that which is true from false and all the while doubt our conclusions because how could we have been so convinced otherwise before. Finally we come to a point where we just don’t care so much anymore. Not because it’s not important but because we realize that the best we can do is take in our experience from moment to moment and work with what we have and keep trying to do better but try not to try too hard. How do we know when we are trying too hard? Maybe it’s best not to ask. Just take a step forward.
I park next to a truck that has bumper stickers about Jesus and heaven and hell and who is going where and why and how to get to the other place. It all sounds so straight forward. There is another bumper sticker advertising a church (I assume the truck owner’s church). It’s a “bible church.” Is that an official denomination? I have seen several of them. Do they worship the bible? Interesting. I make a mental note that maybe I should not go to this church. Sounds like a cult.
I get to the water and there is a bit of a south wind blowing and putting some texture on the surface. I don’t see any of the 4-5 feet waves reported in the surf forecast - maybe 3. There are a few people fishing on the shore. I wonder if I am going to need to change where I enter in order to avoid their lines. Nope. Looks like they are clear of my usual entry point. Whew. I’m just not sure if I could bring myself to enter anywhere else. I’m quite the creature of habit.
I get in the water and am enjoying the view of all the clouds and how they make the water look dark and slightly ominous and just color this day with an entirely different tone than there would be otherwise. I start to swim south. It’s a little cool at first but my body adapts quickly. There is definitely some current in the water today. I like it.
The entire swim is lovely. It’s dark and feels just a touch cooler than yesterday. There are probably two memorable moments that stand out. The first is at the south end of the beach. I can see two terns probably a couple hundred feet north. They are flying all around each other and moving in a meandering motion to the south. I’m not entirely sure they are moving in my direction but I am willing to wait. I wait. They come and one lands on the big rock that is just inshore of me. The second stand out moment is watching the sky turn blue over the last 5 minutes of the swim. It didn’t turn perfectly blue but it sure made significant headway. Just goes to show that if you wait long enough, the sun will come out sooner or later.
