Choices
It’s a warm summer day here in Dana Point. It’s been feeling particularly humid but I have a feeling that is related to my recent move to be closer to the beach. I leave at 9:40 and it already feels plenty warm out. As I finish up the last bit of work I need to do before heading to the shore, all I can think is that it sure is going to feel good to get in that water which is 74 according to the nearest buoy.
I drive about 2 minutes to the north end of the parking lot. I walk down the stairs and the closer I get to the water, the more inviting it looks. Then I am on the beach and the water feels cool on my feet. It feels good. As I walk to my usual takeoff spot, the water feels like it gets warmer and warmer. There are practically no waves except for some small stuff that is breaking right on shore.
I walk out and quickly start swimming. I feel like I am swimming in a heated pool. I head north today and I wonder if I will ever reach the beach club because this water is not exactly making me want to move with any kind of speed. The surface of the water is smooth. It is just so beautiful here. It is hard to believe that I actually live here. What a blessing.
As I swim forward, I can feel that blue sky pulling me forward. I have to give myself over to it. I just have to trust it. I don’t really know exactly where I am going. I have a general sense of trajectory but the details seem hidden from me. My mind wants to create these disaster stories where various facets of my life implode. I realize it is my decision to listen or not listen to these stories. I have the power to choose my own beliefs. I choose not to believe in these stories. Just because I do not believe them does not mean they become silent. They broadcast their drama, but I direct my attention toward that blue sky. I open my heart and try to notice what it is that I feel here in my body.
It feels like I am swimming to some place good. It feels like I am not alone. It feels warm and expansive and wide open as the ocean is vast. I can hear a low pitched buzz from the darker stories that want to distract me. They want me to give up my power and become lost in their vortex. I choose not to.
