Accidental Mystic
It’s Friday, and skies are overcast. I am off to the beach at 7:00 and the tide is about 3.1. Normally this would be no cause for concern, but with the current tug of war between sand and sea, I can only hope that surf is not breaking right on the ramp and rocks. I’m sure it will be fine.
I park and another group of swimmers are getting ready to head down. See? It’s fine. Other people are doing this too. I head down the stairs and once I see the beach, I’ll admit there is some disappointment. Things seem worse than they were on Wednesday and about the same as they were last week. There are cobble patches again on the beach and no sandy path to my usual takeoff spot. In between waves I run across the cobble to my usual spot and I make a mental note to end my swim as close as I possibly can to the end of the concrete ramp because the tide is going up and this will only get worse.
I wait for another lull in these small waves and then head out into the deeper water as quickly as possible. I swim south and soon intersect with someone from the other swim group who is swimming north. We chat for a minute and mention the water temperature (wonderful) and sand level (bad) and visibility (terrible) and then go our separate ways. The water temperature is very comfortable. The Capistrano buoy was down to 74 from yesterday’s 75. The surf report is cautioning surfers to “add some neoprene” due to a dip in temps. What?! It has gone from unspeakably warm to spectacularly warm. I can’t imagine wearing a wetsuit right now.
Nothing particularly noteworthy happens on this swim until the very end and we will get to that soon enough. Of course on the one hand, every moment of the swim is worthy of note. One does not enter the ocean and leave with no commentary. I like to observe, ar at least try to observe, my thoughts. I have written about that quite a lot. The other day someone commented to me that it sure sounds like there are a lot of thoughts and that they usually just focus on their breath when they try to enter a meditative state. Fair enough! I’m no stranger to that practice and so I give it a go. Still, thoughts arise.
I am thinking of a video I was watching last night of one of my favorite YouTubers: Rebecca Kastl. She goes by the title of “accidental mystic” and had a spiritually transformative experience many years ago that left her profoundly changed. She was very skeptical of this experience and questioned whether it actually happened. However it left her with the ability to speak with angels. She calls them angels but holds that term loosely. Basically she channels a voice of love and reassurance and connection with something greater than any one of us individually but that we are all woven into together. I find her messages on YouTube and Instagram uplifting. I always feel better after reading or watching them. I have grown attracted to things that make me feel good - truly good.
This woman offers one on one services that she calls “soul sessions.” I guess they are similar to what you might imagine a psychic reading to be but not necessarily focused on reading your future. Last night I was strongly considering sighning up for one of these sessions. I’ve never done anything like that before. I’ve never seen or consulted a psychic, astrologer or medium. When it comes to that kind of thing, I find that there are three major camps of belief. First, there are the true believers, second there are those who find it all ridiculous, and finally there are those who think it is Satanic or evil. Over my life, I have lived in each of these camps. Today I am mostly in the first.
Now I tend to think that despite the perceived validity I have of the abilities of people like Rebecca, we don’t absolutely need to rely on their services because I think each and everyone of us have access to all the messages we need to get us through wherever we are in life. So I am reluctant to invest in a relationship with these healers and instead trust in the voice that is speaking to me. However, a big part of me wants validation in what I am hearing. Am I hearing correctly? Am I reading the tea leaves with any kind of accuracy whatsoever? Could someone else pretty please just tell me if I am moving in the right direction? Then I read Rebecca’s daily message early this morning: “Don’t give up just because you can’t see the full picture yet. Better days are coming. You aren’t meant to always see the entirety of the path. Be ok with seeing just a bit of it, and know that each step is leading you towards the way you’re meant to go.” That touched me deeply. I know anyone can say that, but I’m just going to allow myself to take what it was that I felt when I read that and hold it in my heart as real and precious. I think of this over the entirety of my swim.
When I get to the northernmost point of my swim near the finish, I pause and look all around me. I am the only human I can see in this big huge body of ocean. There is water, lots and lots of it, in every direction. There is water as far as I can see towards the western horizon. I notice that I am feeling something and I inquire within as to what this feeling might be. The feeling is love. I feel love all around me. I feel like this ocean represents all the love in the universe conspiring for my own good regardless of how things might appear. Then this feeling transforms itself into belief. I believe that we live in a universe of love. I believe that the forces of creation and momentum consist of a pool of pure love. I believe we are all supported and held and viewed as precious -all of us.
The swim ends and I land on the shore just in front of the concrete ramp leading to the stairs. I snap a photo of a surfer just before this happens and I see the surfer on the stairs as we both head to the parking lot. I mention the picture I took and he gives me his email address and I send it to him once I get home. He replies to the email appreciatively and this connection makes me feel good.
