There is Enough

Well here we are - Friday. I do love Fridays. Conditions are good here for swimming. I feel like that is a statement I could apply to my entire life right now: conditions ARE good for swimming. So good. Sure there are some things in my life that I wish were different - quite a few things. I have some big questions. Yet all in all, life is so so good now. I find myself in a place in my life where I’m not exactly sure how I got here. If I were teleported to some random location, could I find my way back? Yes I think I could. Not by any traditional means of navigation. I would need to close my eyes and exercise my imagination and some unidentified organ that we all possess until I could feel a certain kind of light. Then I would keep moving towards that light and eventually I am sure I would find my way back.

It’s going to be another hot and humid day and it is already quite warm at 9:30 as I get out of my car and begin to walk down the stairs towards the beach. When I actually see the beach, I all of a sudden wish I had paid more attention to the tides. There is practically no beach. The water is coming all the way up to the rocks bordering the bluff here as I walk down the last bit of concrete toward a hidden shore. I do see some beach further north, but lots of cobble in between. I sure hope that the tide is coming down and not up. Otherwise, coming to shore after the swim could get interesting.

Fortunately today is seeing a dip in the swell but there are waves crashing right onto the shore and tossing up rocks as they impact. I walk out into the water and start swimming just as soon as I possibly can because it’s not easy walking on this cobbly surface and I don’t care to be standing as the white water pummels me with small rocks.

I head south. The water is crazy warm. The Capistrano buoy says 76 degrees. There is zero visibility. I can barely see my hands in front of my face. There is a brown cloud below me that I can’t seem to get past. I am hoping that my anti-fog strips that I bought for my camera housing work. So far so good. I make it all the way to the south end of the beach and things look pretty clear. This continues as I move north.

I’ve been noticing a sort of tension inside of me all morning. Over the last month, I have given 2 public talks about my swimming. It has been great and exciting to share, but now I wonder “now what?” I went to a lot of effort to prepare these talks and I feel like there is something more here that wants to come out of me. Those invitations to speak really came out of the blue. Now what? Do I wait for another invitation? Do I actively look to speak somewhere else on my own? I don’t really know. Maybe it is time for me to close my eyes and feel for that light. There is so much I want to do and it feels like I have so little time to do it. That said, I feel like I am doing what it is I should be doing. I do not feel like I am wasting my time these days.

I don’t want to give myself over to negative thoughts. It would be easy to start ruminating and worrying that my life is going nowhere. Actually, come to think of it, why would that be easy?! My life is so great right now. I live across the street from the beach. I can swim right in it in the middle of a work day. I have this wonderful woman in my life who is infusing my life with joy and love and happiness. I mean, if nothing ever changed, would that be so bad? Well…I do have goals and ambitions. I do have this feeling that there are these things I am meant to do in my life and I fully intend to lean into them.

A thought comes into my head and dominates the second half of my swim. The thought is “what do I believe to be true?” This is a question that I sometimes ask myself. It helps me to find focus. There ARE things that I believe to be true and it is easy to forget them. There can be a lot of noise that drowns out this truth. So what are these things that I believe to be true? I believe that I am not alone. I believe that I am divinely guided. I believe things will be good. I believe the universe is built on a foundation of love. I believe there is nothing truly worth being afraid of. I believe there is enough for everyone and for me.

I have to say that the final swim to shore is indeed exciting. I can’t really tell if the tide is higher or lower but it is higher than I’d like it to be. Now that I have the luxury of reading the chart, I can say that it went up and then came down over the swim. Once I am super close to the rocks, I try to move as close to the concrete ramp as I can and then when the timing is right, I transition to feet on cobble and hustle for that concrete ramp.