The Feeling That I Have

I woke up to darkness and then June gloom which extends into July, but before 9:00, the sun is making serious headway. There are still plenty of clouds but I can feel the palpable heat of the sun on my skin. It won’t be long now. I leave a little after 9:00 and by the time I am approaching the beach, the sky is mostly blue. There is definitely more cloud cover to the south than the north. This pretty much locks in what direction I will be swimming today. I had thought I would swim south because I want to be back soon and work. But you know what? There is no rule that says I have to swim all the way to the beach club.

The first thing I notice when I exit the car is that it is a little bit breezy. The wind obscures the heat from the sun, but it’s not too bad. I walk down the stairs and the water looks a bit stirred up. Some waves are breaking and they are not small but not huge. Then I get to my usual take off spot and start to walk out and a set comes in and these waves look rather large. They are breaking close to shore but look over head high. Interesting. I dive under a couple and after the second dive, I feel like something is missing. Oh my camera. Where is it? I look around me and I see the orange stick it is attached to floating in the white water just behind me. I grab it as fast as I can. Whew. That last wave seems to have been the last and I swim further west to put a good buffer between me and this surf. Now I head north.

The water is much cloudier than it was a couple days ago. It’s also very disturbed. It feels like I am swimming against the current. There are wakes bobbing up and down all around me. I pass the Ritz and the Salt Creek jr. lifeguard compound and the northernmost restrooms and finally I am right in line with the runoff outlet near the golf course but short of the beach club. This is my destination today. I take stock of my surroundings and the most noticeable thing here is the sound of the wind. I can here it whistling over the water.

I turn around and head back to where I came from. As I re-enter the surf zone near the northern lifeguard tower, I pause and notice a couple waves coming towards me that look like they are going to break. They look large. This all looks much bigger than what was reported in the morning surf report. They do not break on me but they come in steep and break not too far east of me. As I approach the break nearest to the Ritz (the biggest one), I see more of these larger waves and also see that there are two surfers way out past me. Hmmmm…should I be concerned? I swim further south and now there are several surfers out farther than I am. I think I better change trajectory slightly westward. I watch more impressive waves roll through and then head back into Strands.

It feels good to be here. I can’t say that I am not thinking at all about the swim back through the surf and into shore, but I’m really not worried or freaked out about it. I feel like I have a confidence that eases the stress I might otherwise be feeling right now. I am just enjoying the feel of the water and the brightness of the sun and the solitude of being the only one here. Sometimes, and today is no exception, I find myself looking for some sort of special feeling. When I do not find that feeling, I become distracted by its absence to the point of losing sight of what is here now. I catch myself in the act of doing this and I choose to release the feeling that I am seeking in exchange for the feeling that I have. It’s a good feeling.