Secrets

Well today looks pretty close to yesterday. The difference is that the sky is a little darker and the beach is a little more dreary. There is some blue sky poking around my apartment, but there is no sign of any of it by the time I reach the beach just a couple miles west. The upside is that the Capistrano Beach nearshore buoy is reporting 67 degrees when I wake up at 4:00. As is typical, it drops a degree by the time I leave for the beach at 9:45 but I’m not going to complain about 66.

Despite the lack of sun, it is very nice here at the beach. I guess that’s no big surprise. The air is mild and I head to the stairs still limping from my Achilles injury. On the way down, there are these two women in front of me chatting away and one stops and does a sort of dance as a dramatic reprise to emphasize her point. She is obstructing the pathway but I find this all amusing and she notices me and briefly includes me in her little rant and I enjoy this bit of human interaction with complete strangers.

I make it down to the shore and the tide is low and waves are about the same size as yesterday but maybe just a little bigger. Yeah definitely bigger but not big per se. Per se. What the heck does that even mean? What do any of these words mean? We utter these syllables from our pie holes and somehow they make meaning in our minds’ eyes. If we speak clearly enough, that meaning is similar among all those who heard the same utterances and each of our mind’s eyes see mostly the same thing. It can be difficult to speak clearly.

I walk to my usual spot and head out into the water. The water has that same feeling that I remember from yesterday - a sort of gentle coolness that seems cold to the touch but translates to something much warmer once you are immersed in it. I think I am past the surf and I am about to start swimming but then a larger wave comes that is definitely going to break in front of me. I am continuing to walk forward and trying to get a picture of the approaching wave. Then I feel a rock and I trip over it just as the wave breaks. As I toss a bit in the white water, I can see I am in this little patch of cobble sized rocks. And I was just telling someone who was concerned about rocks that there were no rocks right here.

Well regardless of the rocks, all turns out well and I start to swim south. It’s nice and peaceful here as I empty my mind in an effort to let go of what I am trying to see and hear in hopes that I might be able to see and hear what is actually right here. Who knows what it has to show and say? I’d like to find out.

Just as I am reaching the south end of the beach below the headlands, I feel this light stinging sensation over my chest and upper arms. This has happened to me several times before. I don’t see any kind of jelly fish around me but I also didn’t really inspect closely. That’s exactly how this feels - like a jelly fish sting but maybe a little less intense. I’m not writhing in pain or anything but mostly just curious what that was. In fact, I can still feel it faintly right now as I write this.

I turn around and head back north. It still seems just as gray out as it did when I started. I like these soft clouds. They let in just enough light to make this landscape look like a painting. A pretty nice one too.

About a third of the way up the beach, I swim through this patch of stray seaweed. It’s mostly the stringy sea grass stuff. I stop to look around. I can see the organic debris floating on the surface. In the middle are a couple lumpish masses that look more like rubber than kelp. I figure they might be lobster buoys that got left out here after the lobster season ended. I swim by them and don’t see any rope hanging from them. I look more closely at these lumps. Oh yikes! They are dead birds. Oh gross. I wonder what happened here. I decide not to hang around any loner and proceed north up the beach.

As I swim, I sense the tide of light and cloud shifting. Slowly, the sun is making an appearance. Everything still has a silver gleam to it but I welcome the extra light and color.

I finish up the swim. Did I find what I came for? Maybe. I feel like there was plenty left behind, but I just couldn’t gather anymore. Sometimes it seems like I just can’t let go of enough of my own thoughts in order to see what the ocean has to show me. Maybe I should have not tried so hard to let go but looked more closely at those thoughts. Maybe that’s what the ocean wanted me to see. It’s ok. I’ll be back soon enough. Every time I will try to approach this just a little differently and maybe some day I will stumble on the ocean’s secrets.