Regularly Scheduled Programming

Well compared to Sunday’s swim, I feel like today we are back to our regularly scheduled programming down at The Strand. It’s some good programming for sure. Sunday was awesome, and I will even say that it was my favorite swim of the year. However, just because it was my favorite swim does not mean it was my most “enjoyable.” It was more harrowing than enjoyable, but I emerged from that swim with this feeling of complete “fullness.” I don’t know what other word to use.

So no rain and very little wind today. There are definitely clouds in the sky but nothing like Sunday or even the big fluffy post storm clouds of Monday. There are just sort of normal haze and light fluff one might expect to see on any given day here. Where Sunday was near apocalyptic, this is just nice - very nice.

It’s been a little cooler the last couple of mornings here in Dana Point. I mean I can’t complain. It’s been in the mid 50’s and in the upper 50’s by the time I reach the parking lot around 8:00. So it is definitely comfortable enough. There is plenty clear blue sky overhead. As I walk down the stairs, I notice the texture and movement on the water in front of me. There is plenty of both but still what I would call calm.

The tide is high here and the water reaches all the way to the edge of the bluff in some spots. The waves are down from the weekend. As I approach my usual starting spot, I can see something out in the water just past the surf. Without my glasses, I can’t really tell what it is. A dolphin? A pelican? A surfer? I don’t know. Just as long as it is not a shark.

I start to walk out into the water and soon discover it is a swimmer. Perhaps it is a straggler from the group I passed on the way down the stairs. The water feels cooler today than my Friday and Sunday swims. We had a steady flow of onshore winds on Monday which have brought water temps down a couple degrees. It’s 65 as opposed to 67 - still plenty comfortable enough. As I start to swim, I first wonder what is with the cold and just how soft have I become? However it really only takes a minute before I adjust and start to feel quite comfortable. It’s no jacuzzi, but I feel pretty lucky to be where I am and do not feel under dressed.

It’s nice to have this gentle sunny morning here at The Strand. I surrender my mind and my body to the swim and get lost in the rhythm of my breath and stroke. I raise my head forward every now and then and the soft blue colors of the water’s surface and the sky sooths me. I can feel the water moving all around me. I can see small ripples on the surface extend to forever.

I reach the headlands and watch the water rise and lower around the rocks here. The water drips off of them in sheets before burying them again. The cliffs ahead are just a dark silhouette. I don’t see any birds today. I wonder where they are.

I head back north. I have some music running through my head that I don’t recognize. I don’t wrestle with my thoughts today. I meditate on something that came up in my journal writing earlier this morning. I was ranting about a fear I have that I will remain forever stuck. I want to build a new life - a life that aligns with my authentic self and that I forgot about for a few decades. I worry this will never happen. I feel like there are these “life lessons” I need to learn and I’ll never get past them - like trying to pass the bar and just taking the test again and again and again.

Then I have a flash of insight. Throughout my career, I have been very good at solving problems. There have been multiple times where I reach a point in a particular hurdle were I think, “ok. This is the one. This is the one that I just won’t be able to solve.” However, I can’t bring myself to give up. I keep working the problem. Often times a night’s sleep or a walk is the turning point and not “thinking harder.” But I ALWAYS figure it out in the end. Some of these problems have been extremely complicated and far beyond my self-perceived abilities as someone who has no formal education in software engineering (my job).

I realize this is a pattern in my life, and if I trust this pattern to persist and I trust that it will, I will figure out these “life lessons.” At least enough to get to the next level. It can feel impossible at times but I have absolutely no intention to give up. I will keep working the problem and I will figure it out and make my way on to the next one. I can have faith in this.

The only other oddly notable thing about this swim is I have another run in with invisible stinging entities. First I feel it behind my right ear. It reminds me of when I was stung by a bee last week and the intensity of this sting is probably 25 - 50 percent of the bee. Then over the remainder of the swim this happens a couple more times and it is all over my face and upper arms and chest. I stop and I don’t see anything. There are no visible marks on my body, but through the drive home and even a little now, I still very much feel it. So weird.