Inner Critic

And just like every day before this one, today is different. Still cloudy but today we have very little wind creating a nice smooth ocean surface. I leave at about 6:45 and get to the beach on this quiet Sunday morning. The air feels nice and mild. I notice the same beach chair I have seen for the past two mornings at the lower shower area. Well I guess it is fair game now and it looks like it is in decent shape, but I don’t have the energy or desire to take it. I hope it finds a good home with someone who needs it.

The beach is lovely. Still a lot of sand and I can just barely make out Jupiter rock but it is here for sure. There are a lot of small rocks at the water’s edge - so much so that it looks a little odd without my glasses but then I notice it is indeed just rocks, and as I look more closely there are some very pretty shells too.

Some gulls come flying in from the south and, as always, adds a very nice touch to the scenery which really doesn’t need any more help to look great. I get in the water. Still warm. The ocean looks like a lake today with the calm surf and smooth texture. I swim north since I have swam south for the previous three swims and can use something a little different.

There is something about the water that seems to always brighten my perspective on past, present and future. Yesterday my inner critic was particularly articulate and making a strong case in support of the idea that I am pretty messed up in the head and all these plans and dreams I have are just those, plans and dreams. Fortunately, I am at a point in my life where I can smell my critic’s bullshit (is that one word or two?). Still, it’s not always fun to listen to and sometimes difficult to tune out.

Here in the water the critic seems pretty darn quiet. I have to say that’s awfully nice. Maybe he is afraid of the ocean or maybe he realizes he just cant compete with such a large body of water. Who knows. I’m just happy to be here where my future is bright again and I seem to be able to maintain a sense of self compassion for all my flaws and blemishes.

I swim to the Monarch Bay Beach Club. It’s a fairly uneventful swim, but super great. It’s grey and calm and warm and peaceful. It’s just nice. I swim closer to shore on the way back and intersect with the Sunday morning swim crew just before crossing over the point in front of the Ritz.

I reach my finishing point and sit and savor the shallow water here for a bit. There is another swimmer about 75 feet south of me and a pelican swooshes down just over his head. At least that's how it looks from where I am sitting. I wish I could be him right now.