I Can Only Wonder

Late night last night and I get out of bed at 7:30. It’s the typical June gloom out but by the time I am walking my dog at 8:30, the sun is out and I can feel it on my skin and it feels good. Looking out over my balcony, I can see clouds hovering over the coast and I’m wondering just where on the coast they sit. Basically, the key question is, will it be sunny at the beach?

Heading down Golden Lantern towards Selva, I can see the clouds over the water out by the harbor. It looks like they are just right off the shore. After the Dana Dips, descending to The Strand, the water looks silver covered by the clouds. Ok, the parking lot is definitely sunny. It’s still hard to know just what it will be like on the beach but things look promising. All I know is that right now where I am, I feel good.

As I head down the stairs, I am filled with thoughts of my dad and I can feel him here with me. I tell him I love him and I try to imagine just what he is feeling right now. I have this sense that he has merged back with the source of all creation and now his love and God’s love is the same love. Somehow, with a different pair of eyes, I sense that even I am merged with this same presense and we are all together and the same on some divine level.

Once I get a view of the beach, it is all pretty much just as I hoped it would be. There is still some cloud cover lingering about but there is lots and lots of blue sky and an overall hope that things can only get sunnier.

It looks like there is something going on at the north side of the beach. There are about 5 boats hovering fairly close together and a swarm of paddlers all heading out toward those boats. They do not look like they are there to surf. There is also a good group of people on the beach.

The surf looks pretty small but then just after I reach the sand, a good sized set of waves rolls in. They are not huge but larger than they have been in a few days. Then I don’t see any waves until I am out in the water.

Oh the water feels so good. I mean really really good. We are definitely approaching 70 degrees. Summer is officially in session. I swim south and just soak in the light. As I get closer to the south end, the light does grow a little dim until at the very end it feels mostly overcast and no longer sunny. It’s ok. I can see blue sky to the north and that’s where I am headed next.

I linger here for a bit and look around me. I think of my dad and wonder how many times he must have taken in this exact same view. Well, not exactly the same. This would have looked different in the 50’s, 60’s and even 70’s. None of these muti-million dollar homes would have been here. The Ritz Carlton and even the large lifeguard tower below would not be here. The shore would have been dominated by open space and a small community of mobile home trailers. Still things would have been similar enough and looking out towards the water at just the right angle, one may not be able to tell much of a difference. So what exactly was going through that mind of his as he stared at all of this? I can only wonder and I enjoy doing so.

As I swim back up north, the luminosity gradually increases. It is just such a beautiful morning. When I get to the northern end where I saw all the commotion just before getting in the water, I don’t see any paddlers and the last of the boats look to be just leaving. There is still a crowd on the beach.

As I look west towards the horizon, I see something floating on the water. At first I think it is seagulls but they are much smaller. Could they be Sand Pipers? Do Sand Pipers even sit out on the water? I have never seen them doing that. I decide to swim out further to take a look. Soon I see exactly what it is and everything makes sense. It is white roses floating on the water. This was some sort of a memorial or scattering of ashes and the paddlers were likely out here honoring the deceased. This naturally brings my thoughts back to my dad - not that they ever left since I got here.

I feel like I am imposing on someone else’s party and I head out on my way to finish the swim. The sun is out now in full force and the water is so lovely and warm. Just like on my last swim, I let myself swim all the way to the concrete ramp in an effort to milk just as much swimming as I possibly can before heading up the stairs to the parking lot.