Burning Pink

I’m out the door at about ten before seven. Skies are completely overcast, but as I turn right onto Selva Road, I can see a fire-like pink sky in my rear view mirror above Capistrano Valley. No pink on the horizon ahead though. In fact it’s pretty dark but still beautiful. This is a beautiful place to be.

I get to the parking lot and my favorite parking space is free just next door to one of those “van life” style winnebagos. At the top of the stairs I see JJ coming up. She gives me a hug and we chat for a bit. What a wonderful place this is where you can receive sincere hugs from people you hardly know. Did you know it is positive thinking day? Well I’d say we are off to a good start.

It is so peaceful here under the cloud cover. I walk along the shore towards my usual entry spot. The surf is super small and calm. The water feels warm below the air that isn’t by any means cold but not exactly warm either. I lean forward and let my body fall into the arms of the water that seems as though it has been waiting for me here since I left it yesterday. It only takes a few strokes of my arms before any hint of cold has left and I am as comfortable as can be here.

The clouds here are so colorful. You have to look closely but they are swirling with blues and pinks intermixed with the whites and greys. It is like a beautiful water color painting. In fact it is an honest to goodness water color painting. The clouds are nature’s liquid color and you won’t find them in any art supply store.

I’m swimming south today, gliding above this silky smooth water. This morning I woke up with all sorts of worry. I wouldn’t say I was distressed. It was just a low grade worry mainly around finances, which are basically fine. I am fine. My financial advice to all readers is not to get divorced. However, sometimes the financially prudent thing to do is not the best thing to do. I tend to live with a constant low volume hum of uncertainty and ambiguity as I look out into the world and onto my life. Yet I must say that I have zero sense of uncertainty and ambiguity regarding my divorce. I’ll also say here that this does not mean I think my ex-wife is a bad person. It was just the right thing to do.

I think it’s going to be years and years of thinking about this where lessons will gradually be revealed to me. Were me and my ex-wife not “meant to be?” Did I make a wrong turn in my life when I married her? I have chased all sorts of different angles on this. In most regards, I simply don’t know. However I mainly think maybe I was meant to spend these last few decades with her to learn something. We probably both were. What that thing is (or many things) I think will take a long long time to unravel, but I sure hope I can learn at least a few things soon enough to make some better decisions in my life. For one thing: learning to listen to my heart and follow it.

Anyways, I swim out here in this lovely place this morning and imagine a future where all of these worries I have fall away. I believe the future is bright. It’s out there over Capistrano Valley burning pink and ready to explode over the bluff here just inshore of where I am now and when that happens it is going to be about the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine seeing.