Blue and Gold

I left my apartment a little after 10:30. The clouds have been clearing the last hour or so. I was hoping to get to the beach sooner but based on the condition of the sky and the fact that winds are still super calm, this is all working out quite nicely. It’s still not what I would call completely sunny but it looks like we could get there before the end of the swim.

As I crest Blue Lantern and Chula Vista on Selva Rd. I can see mostly blue sky over the water with the cloud cover converging mostly to the south. I guess this means I will be swimming north today. There is a sort of silver shimmer over the water’s surface from the sun mixing with the surrounding haze. This all looks good.

I get to the beach and it is lovely. My mind has been struggling this morning. I’ve taken up journaling more frequently over the last couple of months. I mostly find this extremely helpful to sort out and make some sense of my life. However, today was one of those days (well actually this is the first time this has happened) where I basically started ruminating on paper and ended up drowning in a sort of viscous literary whirlpool. So here I am at the edge of the ocean where I hope to be able dive into the water so that I can breathe again.

I get in the water and I swim and I swim and I swim. It is beautiful. The water is cool but it seems to get warmer over the course of the swim. The temperature is basically perfect for my present condition. I need to wake up. There is decent surf in front of the Salt Creek lifeguard tower zero. I see a tern splash out of the water and fly by too fast to capture on camera but slow enough to etch itself into my memory and I am looking at it right now as it flies close to the water and crosses the shine of the sun that appears like a flash as I raise my head from below the surface.

I swim to the Monarch Bay Beach Club and the water is the clearest I have seen in many swims. I pause a couple of times and I am struck by the sound of the waves near the shore. I want to stay here and melt into that sound. It is soothing. There really is no label for the feelings it emotes, but they are feelings that I just can’t seem to wade in long enough. As I return to my swimming, I just hear my breathing blow like a horn into the water around my face and I lose the soft sound of the waves.

I reach the beach club. I’m still struggling. However there is light and water and all sorts of colors in the bluff along the bay in front of me and all of those things are good things. As I turn around to begin the swim back south. I feel the ocean grab me by the shoulders and it whispers something in my ear that penetrates my mind and my vision and leaves me with a half image that remains with me through the rest of the swim and it sits here with me now.

I can’t really describe what this image is - not because I am bound by some kind of pact with the water but because I just can’t. I can still see it but it’s like a dreamy and elusive mix of color that is a sort of a mosaic of other half images but it all lacks a sense of cohesion. I can tell you that there is water and sand and sun and sky in the image. There are no words but it clearly holds a message. It suggests that I relax my thoughts and let them go and just look at this. Just breathe into this patchwork of blue and gold and the memories of good times in the water.

Everything outside and in the water is not going anywhere for better or for worse. And yet it will all pass away and the days will come and the days will go and the water and the sun will always be here no matter where I am. I can’t say that all feels well but I can say that this ephemeral image and its embedded message provide me just what I need like a pleasant surprise that I never expected to show. They save me from myself and I leave the water so grateful.