And Then I Kept Going

My alarm went off at its usual 4:30 time. I did consider getting up, but it didn’t take long to get back to sleep. I don’t have any serious plans today and I can always listen to church later even though I do love going especially in the spiritual high I often have after a swim. I could always swim after church, but I just don’t feel like drawing my pre-coffee activities out so long today. Anyways, I slept until about 7:00 and it was glorious and much needed.

It’s looking like a beautiful day and I am a little disappointed to be missing out on another sunrise swim given yesterday’s spectacular experience, but not disappointed enough to get my but down to the beach right now. I instead go through my morning routine and by about 9:00 I am noticing that the clear skies have soured to clouds. What happened here? It was all so good. Oh well. I remind myself that it is always good and at about 9:45 I am off to the beach.

From the parking lot I can see some little patches of blue sky out there. It is certainly possible that things could shift themselves and we could have clear skies again. I’ve seen this happen many times before including just this week. These mid morning hours can be very precarious. It just doesn’t look like things want to change. The water looks calmer than yesterday and the air is definitely warmer than it was yesterday. I’m sure it will be nice.

I head down the stairs and get to the beach. The waves look like they have come down a notch from yesterday. There is a pelican sitting on the water just in front of where I touch foot to the sand from the concrete ramp. A little ways just past where I usually start my swims, I see two surfers. It’s odd because that is not a frequented surf break. I figure maybe they are not locals or regulars. Of course anyone is welcome to surf anywhere they would like considering any local rules and regulations.

As I walk to my spot I see a flock of three terns gliding over the water and they each turn west in unison and the light catches the white of their bellies and they are beautiful. I walk into the water and it feels good. I walk past the little waves and start to swim north. I figured I swam south yesterday and I have no time constraints so might as well add a little variety. However I must admit that part of me just wants to get this swim over with and heading south usually ensures a shorter (not by much) swim. I just find that I feel compelled for some totally unknown reason to go north and so I do.

I feel like there is some kind of gravitational pull coming from the shore because try as I might to put some more distance between myself and the beach, I keep drifting inshore. It’s not a big deal given the lack of surf and kind of nice to tell the truth. I pause shortly before crossing the point and stare at the tall steep cliff here that supports the Ritz Carlton Hotel compound. I see some blue sky scattered about just above it and wish it well to spread itself around a little more broadly. Actually a lot more broadly.

As I pass into Salt Creek territory I swim over the large boulders that are submerged just in front of the lifeguard tower. It looks like I could reach and touch them but I can’t. I see those same tents out on the shore that I saw yesterday and hear voices over a loud speaker. That surf competition must be sill going.

I keep a course for the Monarch Bay Beach Club. I try to let the muck in my mind settle. It’s currently flurrying around my brain with thoughts of my day with my four year old son yesterday. We actually had a pretty good day, but it is just so so challenging some times to be out and about with him not to mention to be in my own home. He is absolutely adorable and super smart but he has so much energy and wants to do everything his way and often just cannot hear what I am telling him. Eventually I resort to these words that I can’t believe I hear coming out of my own mouth and I feel like such a jerk. I’m remembering moments of frustration at the end of our night when he was insisting on one thing and I am pleading with him to do the other. As I remember all of this, what he was insisting on wasn’t all that terrible at all. Maybe like him, I just couldn’t hear him. I was tired and needed a nap - like a 10 hour nap. I wish I would have just conceded to his wishes. It would have been better. That’s not always so but this particular instance was.

I do have to mention that we spent a good part of the afternoon at the Balboa Fun Zone. I don’t think I have been there in decades but I have so very many memories of being in that area as a youth and young adult when I lived just 15 minutes away. I was amazed at how similar some things were, like the actual fun zone area. I was saddened to see the Balboa Theater shut down and looking so terrible and to see the old BJ Chicago pizza gone and that immediate area looking a bit seedy. We parked at the pier and my son didn’t believe me that their would be a ferris wheel. To be honest, I was not 100% sure there would be anymore either. Well there was and he loved it and it was great.

We drove my car onto the ferry at his insistence. Ok there was one I was able to back down on. It was a great idea! I didn’t have cash. I remember needing cash back in the 90’s but who in god’s name would not take cards in 2025? Well I’ll tell you: the Balboa ferry, that’s who. So I had to get cash on the other side to pay them which costed me a “convenience” fee more expensive than the ferry fare itself. It’s ok. I’m still financially solvent.

I’m continuing north along Salt Creek and the clouds are fading away. Yes! It all seems to happen so quickly. As I am swimming and breathing on my left as I look to the horizon, the intensity of the sun is noticeably strengthening. There is a boat that comes close to me just as I am crossing in front of the golf course - not dangerously so. They just park here and it looks like they are fishing. There is another boat parked up north against the edge of the bay and it remains there through the entire swim. The visibility below the water is improving and that is probably due to the increased sunlight. I see small fish and lovely trees of kelp vines leaning frozen with arms stretched out as if to bless anyone who happens to pass by. Hey, that’s me!

Soon I am right in front of the beach club. I linger here just for a bit because it is wonderful and I am hoping I might catch a big flock of pelicans in flight. That never materializes and I turn around to head back. The entire swim back is absolutely fantastic. All those clouds from early in the swim are long gone now. It is just perfect here.

I’m trying to give myself totally over to the water. I’m trying to listen. Not to the bubbles coming out of my nose and mouth but to the whispers from the ocean floor. I need to hear them. I know they are speaking. I’m thinking about this very blog. I spend a lot of time on it. I love writing it and even reading it and looking at it and compiling all the photos. It has become part of the whole swim and ocean experience and an extension of the spiritual practice I cultivate around all that. Writing these words provide an opening into my heart that I savor and I honestly never know what is going to come out. However sometimes I wonder if it is worth the time spent. Maybe I should be doing other things with my time. Maybe this is all some big self manufactured distraction.

I catch myself considering not doing this any longer and I can’t bare the thought. Please don’t take this away. This is one of the few things in my life that is utterly mine. I grow frustrated that maybe two people will read the posts and try to tell myself it is ok. I feel compelled to keep doing this. The question is, is this some kind of sick OCDish compulsion or is it a life giving compulsion? Sometimes it is hard to tell. So I ask the ocean and open my ears to hear. All I hear is keep going. Keep moving forward. That gives me some solace, and so I will. I’ll at least get this one out.

I swim by the surf competition and realize it is not a surf competition but a bodyboarding competition. Close enough. The announcers must be professional because they are going on and on and on and are kind of interesting. I can definitely make out all that they are saying from here. I feel like I am sitting at the same table. I listen to them talk about the origins of the term “goofy foot,” which is the term used for someone who surfs left foot forward. Apparently there was a Disney Goofy movie where Goofy the dog was surfing and he was surfing with his left foot forward. Wow I learned something new on this swim!

The remainder of the swim is just so great and I savor each and every stroke. I am tempted to treat myself to a walk on the beach afterwards but I really just want to get home and enjoy the coffee I am drinking now. It is great. Bolivian coffee from Trader Joe’s. Organic, free trade of course.

As I park my car in my garage, I take a look at my Instagram feed and see a post I had seen yesterday from Rob Bell, my hero. He was showing paintings he had made and many had the words “And then I kept going” inscribed on them. Thanks Rob.